The little white lie concept

A true story about Jesus playing golf, edited and revised for earthly use

Jesus was sitting in his heaven watching humans playing golf at a place they called Augusta in a country that the inhabitants called “Gods own country” – although Jesus didn’t know that his father owned a country on the planet Earth.

Anyway, what fascinated him was the way some of these humans could control the ball without the use of miracles. Which of course he knew were not miracles, but Psychokinesis or Telekinesis – something that only very few humans have learned.

After been watching a couple of these so called Masters Tournaments at this placed called Augusta National Golf Club he was especially impressed by a human called Jack Nicklaus.

Watching this man, he made a decision, turned to his Guardian Angel and said: I think it could be a lot of fun to get down there and try play this golf thing only using physical power, no telekinesis or other kind of hocus pocus. Just like this Nicklaus.

And why don’t you go with me, you can be my caddie? suggested Jesus.

The Guardian Engel was a bit skeptical. To perform well, this game seems to require a lot of practice on the physical level, but on the other hand; you know, Jesus is Jesus. He might be able to duplicate Nicklaus.

So they made a deal. I will be your caddie and you will play like Nicklaus using only human capacities and capabililties. No use of spiritual power, said the Angel.

Jesus agreed and the Angel started preparing all the practical things needed to play the game and the most important; to get somebody human to invite his master to play the course.

To get the invitation he did a little search in the heaven to see if there were some former members of Augusta National Golf Club who might have a connection to some members of Augusta who was still alive – in physical form, and could be inspired to invite Jesus and his caddie – of course in all anonymity.

The Guardian Angel was somewhat surprised when he found none – really – not a soul in heaven who had ever played golf and most certainly not anyone who had been a member of the Augusta National G.C.

That puzzled him; if former golfers are so disproportionate distributed and represented in heaven, there must be some evil things going on in golf.

Therefore he asked around in the heavens network of righteous people and found a former golfing referee who got an answer. The righteous referee told the angel about the innate temptation in human beings to cheat or avoid telling the truth, if the truth could be damaging to their reputation, be a hindrance for advancement, salary increase, gain of benefits, sex and the like.

Even though golf is a gentleman sport (implicitly: then you are not cheating) and therefore (if you are a gentleman) you can be your own referee, the game still – in and between – is in need of a referee. 

In other sports cheating is an integrated part of the game where everything is allowed and not punished as long as it is not seen by the referee. Even the so called God’s hand (that nobody can see) can be used to win world championships.

To explain the whole thing, the former referee told the Angel about a survey based on a representative sample of golfers and made under circumstances where the truth could not be damaging to the golfers reputation, advancement, salary increase, sex opportunities and the like. Result: 80% of the participating golfers agreed that they have been cheating one or more times in their golfing carrier. 20% – it seems – were just plainly lying.

Now, when we don’t have any direct connection to the Augusta National, where can I then go to get the invitation without revealing the true identity of Jesus and me, the Angel asked himself?

Then he came to think about the heavens ambassador and the Christianity’s representative on the earth. The Pope.

He called the secret number to the Vatican and asked to be connected to the Pope. In ten seconds the Pope was on the line. He told the Pope about Jesus’ wish and asked him politely if he could help.

Espirito Santo, the holy Pope burst out, surprised. It was not that easy, so he needed to tell a little white lie, he told the Angel, and asked if that would be ok with Jesus.

The Pope already got one person in mind. He was thinking about calling Bill Clinton, because when booking tee times for his guest Clinton needed to tell a little white lie about Jesus not being Jesus. He thought that Clinton would be ok with that, while he have made good use of the little white lie concept in a couple of situations before both in the White house and on the golf course.

You know: I never touched that ball – or something like that.

That’s how Jesus and his Guardian Angel was invited to play the Augusta National Golf course being the guest of Bill Clinton. Of course both Jesus and his caddie, were disguised as rich and important business people.

Here, during the round of golf, Jesus learned than on Earth you seldom become successful without knowing how to use the little white lie concept. In that respect everything was the same as when he left the earth some 2000 years ago.

Made him think if his life and crucifixion had been in vain.

On the golf course Jesus did not play very well. He was 12 over par when they arrived to Amen Corner. Though he saved his par on the first Amen Corner hole, that is the par 4, 11, 505 yards from the back tee and, statistically one of the most difficult holes on Augusta. Managing to get a par would make most amateurs proud. And so was Jesus.

When he saw the short par 3 hole, coming up next, he became very optimistic and said to himself; I can do it. I can make a birdie here.

He was really pumped up when he got on the tee.

The 12 is a par 3, with the Raes Creek in front and azaleas behind. As well as bunkers front and back. The shortest hole on the course. It is one of these holes where even top professionals can make everything from a birdie to 6, 8 or even a 9. You never know, you need to find the green in your first stroke to make your par.

Standing on the tee, pumped up as he was, he swung the club with all his human power, but too fast, hit it too fat, the turf 15 meter through the air and the ball in a high ark direct into the Creek. In the same moment that happened the Guardian Engel burst out:

Jesus Christ, what are you doing?

And Jesus mumbled, Holy Moses, surprised and very angry with himself.

The swing he tried to make was not even near the Jack Nicklaus swing he had visualized. Now he was in for a drop and a penalty stroke, but then he got to think of Moses. If Moses could split the water the way he did then back in time, so can I, he thought, avoiding a penalty stroke. So, he walked a bit excited down to Raes Creek, asked Clinton as to where the ball crossed the hazard.

Stopped there, bent over, stretched his arms with the palms facing down and mumbled something incomprehensible – at least to Clinton.

But the Guardian Engel understood it very well and felt that it was his duty as a caddie to make his player aware that what he intended to do might not be in accordance to the rules of golf. He knew that if your ball is in a penalty area – in this case a water hazard – you have to play the ball as it lies, that is; you are not allowed to touch or do anything to improve the lie.

Jesus heard what his caddie was saying, but thought: hi folks, this is a gentlemen sport! After this little miracle people won’t start discussing rules, he was sure.

So he continued his mumbling and slowly the water began to split. The bottom of the hazard was somewhat muddy, but he could see his ball. With confidence he went into the creek, hit the ball onto the green, marked it, cleaned it, made two puts and got away with a boogie.

Clinton was amazed, surprised, and only later came to think about the splitting water rule situation. So when Jesus told him to put a 4 on his scorecard, he did.

Now, on the thirteen tee a group of players were standing there, watching in amazement, in shock, surprised, didn’t quite believe what they had just seen. Looked speechless at each other.

When the angel caddie, the first to arrive at the tee, one of them asked him.

Hi man! What? I mean, who does this guy thinks he is – Jesus or what?

No, the Angel replied. That’s not the problem.

The problem is: he thinks he is Jack Nicklaus. !!!!